Revisions are Amazing

To say the least, my short story was shredded to pieces right in front of me. Okay, maybe not, but it sounded good. Well, peer reading was fantastic, and I received some fabulous information on how I could better my writing skills. I was given counseling if you will that I shouldn't start two sentences with the same word. Wow, that's so true. So I have taken the liberty of fixing all of my stories, here is one example.

R. Kelly "I believe i can fly"
The time had finally come, the anticipation was numbing my senses. As I crept to the weathered wood that represented the line. I inhaled a deep breath, and with all the power that my scrawny legs could provide I leaped into the air. As I soared through the air I felt a slight chance that my name would be on that lady's clip board for having won the contest. While i was soaring above the ground, I found myself encompassed in spirit. As I landed on the feathered sand, I felt a sense of accomplishment run through my veins. As I rested in the warm sand, I quickly looked up to see the judge. The expression on the the judges face was word alone. She looked at me in a saddened face. She silently said to me, "Brandon your effort was well noted, but I'm sorry, you will not pass on to the finals."

Here are the perfections I made/revisions

R. Kelly "I believe i can fly"
The time had finally come, the anticipation was numbing my senses. As I crept to the weathered wood that represented the line. I inhaled a deep breath, and with all the power that my scrawny legs could provide I leaped into the air. Soaring through the air I felt a slight chance that my name would be on that lady's clip board for having won the contest. While soaring above the ground, I found myself encompassed in spirit. When I landed on the feathered sand, I felt a sense of accomplishment run through my veins. As I lay rested in the warm sand, I quickly looked up to see the judge. The expression on the the judges face was word alone. She looked at me in a saddened face. She silently said to me, "Brandon your effort was well noted, but I'm sorry, you will not pass on to the finals."